Now I'm experiencing the same gut wrenching anxiety about what to do with the rest of my life as I did nearly 7 years ago.
If nursing school cured me of insomnia, this experience has certainly brought it back with a vengeance. Late nights fade nauseatingly into early mornings. I'm grinding my teeth and clenching my jaw when I do sleep. Which leaves me with a mild headache and stomach pain from the lack of sleep. The nausea relieves me of any appetite I might have had. I suppose I've already lost a bit of weight.
It's all the same. The summer I was 25, I'd just broken up with my serious live-in fiancée and moved into the inner city of Detroit. It was the most exciting time of my life and also pretty pathetic on the life experiences level. I had nothing. I took only my clothes when I moved. I lived in this big old house with three other people and loved every minute of it.
I just remember lying on the floor (I had no bed) on a sleeping pad next to a fan listening to the low sounds of the horns of cargo ships as they came into the harbor. This experience is pretty parallel to those nights. Except this time I have a cot and a pretty substantial bank account, but a lot is the same. It's hot as balls, there are many night sounds, and I'm still available.
There's still the deep seated agony over what to do next and sadly, I'm ignoring the fact that I'm supposed to be having the time of my life and instead focusing on the fact that this place feels like a prison. I'm sure it's all part of the adjustment.
At least it can only get better.
C'est comme ça? C'est la vie.
If nursing school cured me of insomnia, this experience has certainly brought it back with a vengeance. Late nights fade nauseatingly into early mornings. I'm grinding my teeth and clenching my jaw when I do sleep. Which leaves me with a mild headache and stomach pain from the lack of sleep. The nausea relieves me of any appetite I might have had. I suppose I've already lost a bit of weight.
It's all the same. The summer I was 25, I'd just broken up with my serious live-in fiancée and moved into the inner city of Detroit. It was the most exciting time of my life and also pretty pathetic on the life experiences level. I had nothing. I took only my clothes when I moved. I lived in this big old house with three other people and loved every minute of it.
I just remember lying on the floor (I had no bed) on a sleeping pad next to a fan listening to the low sounds of the horns of cargo ships as they came into the harbor. This experience is pretty parallel to those nights. Except this time I have a cot and a pretty substantial bank account, but a lot is the same. It's hot as balls, there are many night sounds, and I'm still available.
There's still the deep seated agony over what to do next and sadly, I'm ignoring the fact that I'm supposed to be having the time of my life and instead focusing on the fact that this place feels like a prison. I'm sure it's all part of the adjustment.
At least it can only get better.
C'est comme ça? C'est la vie.
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