Something happened in the last few days. I think I'm finding my place here. Now that I know I'm staying longer, I've begun to think in those terms. I'm finally feeling comfortable living in Aweil and the hospital feels more like where I work. I can see the need for my work and I understand what I need to do while I'm here.
Another thing has happened too. I'm thinking about what I want for myself. Thinking about the future. Life after MSF. I'm happy to be staying, because six months is a significant amount of time. Time to think. Time to process all that has happened in the last few years.
I have learned a few things in the time I've spent here so far. I've discovered that there's not much of a life working in field level international aid. Your work is your life. Every day. No sex. No days off. Just work. It's a great learning opportunity, but I'm looking for a little more balance eventually. After a few years of doing it almost non-stop, it's slowly losing its luster.
Don't get me wrong, this has been my dream job for a while now. But that's the thing about dream jobs. They're always amazing and then you do them for a while. It goes with the territory. Like relationships. Like anything I suppose. There is good and bad. There is the dream and then there is the reality. Some realities are a better fit than others.
Any choice, I think is a major life decision and not to be taken lightly, but I'm really trying to work out where I'm headed while I'm out here in medical aid purgatory. It's a perfect place to think.
Another thing has happened too. I'm thinking about what I want for myself. Thinking about the future. Life after MSF. I'm happy to be staying, because six months is a significant amount of time. Time to think. Time to process all that has happened in the last few years.
I have learned a few things in the time I've spent here so far. I've discovered that there's not much of a life working in field level international aid. Your work is your life. Every day. No sex. No days off. Just work. It's a great learning opportunity, but I'm looking for a little more balance eventually. After a few years of doing it almost non-stop, it's slowly losing its luster.
Don't get me wrong, this has been my dream job for a while now. But that's the thing about dream jobs. They're always amazing and then you do them for a while. It goes with the territory. Like relationships. Like anything I suppose. There is good and bad. There is the dream and then there is the reality. Some realities are a better fit than others.
Maybe this life isn't for me long-term, but this whole career in global health does seem to suit me, so I feel like I owe it to myself to explore it a little longer from this angle. I'm focusing on what I can learn from this and how I can get better as a nurse, as a person. I think there are difficulties in any job and I felt a lot of difficulties a few weeks ago, but my "rest" weekend did give me some perspective. I feel better about what I'm doing and I understand the limitations of humanitarian aid.
Now, I guess I'm just trying to decide what comes next. Do I keep going to war torn countries to deliver aid? Do I find a home and settle in? How does each choice affect my currently non-existent personal life?Any choice, I think is a major life decision and not to be taken lightly, but I'm really trying to work out where I'm headed while I'm out here in medical aid purgatory. It's a perfect place to think.
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