The End

Today is my last day in South Sudan. This afternoon I will get on a plane to Nairobi and fly away, slowly working my way west and home. I can't say I'm not looking forward to being home. HOME. Home in my own country. Where I can speak in rapid English and most people will understand. Home where MY people live. I never thought of myself as much of a nationalist or patriot or American, really. I don't think anyone would accuse me of being any of those things. But, it's true, I have missed home. There really is no place like it. It's nice to travel, but I've learned that it's even nicer to come home. Oh America, I've missed you so much.

Thanks for the memories, South Sudan. I'll never leave your corner as you try to stand on your feet as the world's newest nation, but the time has come for me to go home. 

We can only speak of the things we carried with us and the things we took away.
Barbara Kingsolver, the Poisonwood Bible

Decisions: Week 22

I've spent the last five months here in South Sudan thinking of the future. My future. What I want. Where I want to be. What I'm looking for. They're deep questions. After feeling so confused last fall, it's nice to have some time to reach a sort of clarity.

I know that I want to be somewhere where my career and my mind are advanced. I know that I want to have a home. I'll go even further. I want a place that I call home because it feels like home. I've been roaming too long. And I want to put down roots there. After all this African chaos, I want to buy a house, get a dog, meet a man, plant a garden... You know, something drastic. Although, I think I will start with the garden.

I always thought that I needed to be way out on the edge in order to become a better nurse. That I needed to be working somewhere really tough to get better. The thing is, you learn no matter where you are as long as you push yourself.

There is no perfect environment; no perfect place. It seems that just living is the best classroom and your teacher is the passage of time. Patience. Something I'm not good at. But I'm learning. Working in Africa has taught me that above all you must be patient. Everything moves much, much slower and yelling and shouting only serves to bring things to a complete halt as feelings are mended. Quiet and calm have permeated my time here. I have sought to understand what I can of this culture in the self-centered hope I can help them help themselves. I'm not sure what differences I have made on that front, but from this I will take so much.

Unfortunately, I will never know all there is to know. I can only continue to put myself in challenging situations and hope for the best. The next challenge is to go home and stay still for a while. I'm ready.

"Just keep following the heart lines on your hand."
Florence and the Machine

Spain-yerds

Today I am going north to the MSF - Spain camp. I'll be teaching the staff working in the clinic there how to do a proper newborn resuscitation. But mostly I want to take a look around. They are working in an IDP (internally displaced persons) camp nearer to the border. I've never seen an IDP camp before. I hear that they are absolutely horrible. It's curiosity that draws me in. I want to see how it is. How the people live. What they eat. How they get water. I'm curious and a little worried about what I may see. It can't be pretty.