Waiting on the World to Change

 
 
It never occurred to me that the difficulties I would face working here would be primarily organizational and professional. Maybe that was short sighted. I thought that I would see horrible tragedies and hear sad stories. I thought the number of deaths would be overwhelming. That I would struggle with the sadness of it all. Maybe fight with the expats over typical roommate type things. But it never occurred to me that the main irritation would come from disagreements over medical management by expats. Or that I would become so frustrated at times that I could not even find the words to express the emotions. That my anger at decisions in patient care made by my colleagues would be so extreme that it would keep me up at night, take away my appetite, and cause me to storm out of the ward in a blind rage.
I'd like to think that am a rational human being. Usually (usually) calm and collected even in the midst of chaos. But here, I am a bitch. Hot headed, hard to handle, straight up BITCH. I'm a Rottweiler. I know that in this life we must pick the battles we fight, but lately I cannot seem to let the things that are happening go. In the past 6 weeks, I have worked with a new doctor about every 2 weeks. Someone rotates in, then someone else follows after and then repeat. Enough already! I'm tired of learning a new style of patient management and training the new one on the protocols only to have them change a few days after we get comfortable. It compromises patient care by destroying any continuity of patient management and not mention is a pain for all the staff, not just me.
I'm very protective of my patients and the national staff. I am vigilant in shielding them from situations that might compromise them in any way. And I am certainly not a fan of anyone practicing developing world experimental medicine. Just because someone has less money or fewer resources than you doesn't mean that you can take advantage of that by providing substandard medical care. You'll find that nurses everywhere are generally are united in this school of thought. Equal care for everybody. But others tend to be a little more opportunistic when it comes to the weak and the voiceless. This is where I get all riled up. Operating without anesthesia, touching a patient without asking first, and walking into my ward without washing your hands means automatic trouble from me. And if you don't know how to do something, ask for help don't try to figure it out. I'm serious. Watch out world. I'm on to you.
My friend Wendy says the universe is trying to teach you a lesson when the same situation keeps getting thrown in your face. I'm wondering what I'm supposed to be learning, because this is the sixth week of general daily bullshit. I'd really like to move on to the next lesson.
Maybe I'm meant to find a way to calm myself. Be more Zen. Don't I already do enough yoga? Maybe if no one was getting hurt I would calm down. But not just yet. I've got a few more battles in me.

I know I can't change the world, but I can't wait on things to change either.